For some reason I have not written about a bigggg life changing event that took place in my life 2 years ago. Which should have been my rock bottom. I think it was the first of several rock bottoms.
I was still at that stage in my life where drinking shots excessively was an awesome time. I was 23 years old. I didn’t wake up feeling “oh shit” I woke up feeling “that was fun!”
It happened like any other night- I was drinking heavily with my boyfriend, vodka shots etc. Stupid girl I am decided it would be a good idea to drive both to and from the party we were at (the next city over). Of course, I got pulled over, don’t remember much of it, was disrespectful to the police officers, and after a long time they had me at the police department I still would not blow into their breathalyzer (in hindsight I SO wish I had). Costs me more time without a license- and an automatic DUI.
I remember waking up the next morning with the biggest pit in my stomach. I immediately started laughing (laughing???? who the F*** does that) I couldn’t believe it was me, the true harshness of my consequences did not set in yet. But then after I laughed, I cried and I cried hard.
The year that follows was:
- Lost my license for 1.5 years
- Had to be driven around by my family when they could, or my boyfriend
- I felt trapped and isolated where I was and couldn’t ever leave on my own
- I secretly blamed by BF and said he should have been driving, I got irritable and very very unhappy with my life
- I spent around 10,000 dollars on lawyers
- 3,000 on a blow box for my car (that worked 50 % of the time, and barely at all in the -60 winters we get)
- Had to go to DUI course over a full weekend (which I had to do twice) because I went out drinking the night before the final day, and slept in …. wow…
- I now have a criminal record
I honestly didn’t think that I was going to make it through that period in my life. After I got my license back, exactly a year today actually, I vowed I would NEVER drink and drive again.
That DUI was when I really noticed there are some serious consequences, and that drinking is not just fun. I seriously began to realize I had a problem. That was when I started trying to stop, cut down, drink slow etc. and realized to my horror I couldn’t. But I also couldn’t imagine the thought of not drinking again. I’m 23 for Gods Sake.
I have been trying and failing to quit for a good year now, probably more. The more I try to control it, the more out of control I get.
I would like to say that was the only time I drank and drove- but it is not. I used to do it all the time. The thing that scared me the most, was the last 4 months or so, I began drinking and driving again, which I PROMISED I would never do. I knew I was going somewhere bad, fast.
I am ashamed thinking of the stuff I’ve done…
But, I KNOW having something so drastic and harsh was supposed to be a big eye opener for me from God, I know he wants more for my life!