I haven’t been blogging much- but I have been working my sobriety! So much has changed for me this past 4 months. I am annoying the shit out of my boyfriend because my mind just can not grasp the fact that I have changed this much. ME? The party animal, shot taking, weed smoking, don’t give a f*** person I used to be. ME!!
I keep saying “Can you believe this… or, “Before I quit drinking, NEVER would I go into the office to prep for the week Sunday, have all my house work done, relaxing, doing yoga.” I just can not believe this is ME!! I am doing this!!! The me, who has almost survived (I mean thrived) through an entire summer alcohol free. But yet, this is ME. The new ME. The REAL ME. Before I drowned myself in Alcohol. I have come to the realization, that I am addicted to pleasure. Immediate pleasure. I never worked on things like Yoga, deep breathing, meditation, journaling, etc because I wanted IMMEDIATE pleasure, and it always got me there faster.
I have also cut back so much on weed. I am much more aware of my bad habits, and how now with weed too I am numbing myself. And, I also realize how much I depend on it. I do not want to depend on anything, I want to be free. I want to only depend on stuff that is within me, not external pleasures.
I know I have put the intention out into the world to be 100% clean body, mind and soul and I know the universe is conspiring to make it happen. I am becoming less and less interested in smoking weed, and I have begun my journey of kicking the devils lettuce. Which I also too will document here. I know that God wants me to sacrifice something as insignificant as weed for the greater good. I need to know who I am without any substances. I know that great things are coming my way. I just have to get out of the way and let God do his part.
I have also gotten so much into yoga, and the way that it has transformed my life, that I have signed up for my yoga teacher training come February. I am SOOOOO excited. NEVER would I have been able to make a decision like this if I was drinking. I was so indecisive, up and down, yes and no, happy and sad, it makes me sad to think about it now. It costs 4,000 for the training, but I feel deep inside this is my passion and this is where my next journey lies.
like… can you believe I am doing this!? 😉